01/20/12

Underworld 4 – End of a Love Affair

I’m starting with positives:

Kate Beckinsale, you are one of the most beautiful women ever. IF my books are ever made into a movie, you must play one of my Goddesses! Because I adore you. And the following review makes me sad…

 

Now we’ll move on the the negatives: (SPOILERS – Alert! – SPOILERS!) – You’ve been warned…

I am so so sad. Because, when I grow up (a long, long time from now), I wanted to be Selene, the kick-butt yet justice dealing Death-dealer – at least for Halloween…

Now, well, not so much. At least not Selene from U4… Selene from U1 & U2 (and snippets of U3) – I’ll always adore!

Underworld 4 is bad.

It’s not just the lack of:

the lack of Michael (real Michael, not stand-in CGI Michael)

the grainy dark filming style

the MUSIC – the same haunting, mood-inducing theme and filler music from the first 3

Bill Nighy and Michael Sheen

or rain…

It’s not only because out of a 90 minute movie, 45 minutes (maybe more) heard less than three lines of dialogue but saw Selene being thrown into various shatter-able things. Or that Selene, who is smokin hot, spent half the time looking smokin hot in slow motion – close-up, panoramic, running, walking, standing, posing, looking thoughtful, looking angry, looking… You get the picture. Again, she’s hot, but Selene is more than that. She’s kick-butt judge and jury, the fighter on the side of ‘right’. Not at all as she is portrayed in U4:  she’s a killing machine (like cold-blooded, cruel, murder kind of kill) humans, lycans, vampires – you name it. Which was wrong!

So so sad… *Sigh*… Next…

It wasn’t that Selene and Micheal’s daughter (who we were told at least three times was ‘unique’… kind of like her father?) looked like a Monster High doll when she did her shape-shifting, look at my fangs pose.

And, if she’d never been outside of the clinic for her 12 yr existence, why did she have a British accent? Her caretakers didn’t. Is it in the vampire gene, perhaps? It’s a puzzle.

 

It wasn’t the elder of the vampire clan that tried way too hard to be Bill Nighy… Can anyone other than Bill Nighy pull this off? No, no they can’t.

It might have been the super-gigantic giggle inducing lycan. It might have been the newly ‘tweaked’ lycan look. It might have been the all-too-predictable side story of father-son, Dr and gigantic giggle inducing son – or their abysmal performances.

It was a combination of all of the above. It was just bad.

I MISSED you Scott Speedman.

 

But, after watching this film, I understand why you sat this one out.  I’m so so sad…