Dear Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson,
I am was a total fan. The initial Honeymoon phase of awkward posing, stammering or muttered speech, slouching poses, and general adorable discomfort with your newfound ‘status’ as rising Hollywood stars has gone is dead. Granted, it’s waned a bit with each new Twilight film. While the movies are decent are getting better, you are not. I KNOW there has to be a manager or stylist or SOMEONE out there just dying to help you. And I’m imploring you – find those people!!! And, PLEASE, let them HELP YOU BOTH!!!!
Tonights MTV Movie Awards were horrible painful toturous - and not just because of Jason Sedakis. The two of you were are embarassing. And, contrary to what some misguided soul might have told you, you’re not coming off the least bit charming. Robert, take a shower and brush your hair for crying out loud. You are were cute, but now you make me itch. Kristen, stand up straight. Stop with the attitude and just smile and say thank you. People like you guys, give them a reason to like you. You’re both attractive, intelligent people – so act like it.
Twilight is ending soon. Taylor Lautner has some promising projects lined up. He’s also charming, well-spoken and humble (without being condescending or affected) – a really likable, cute, clean cut guy without all the angst or attitude. He’s younger than you both, but he seems to have it figured out. He also appears to have better hygiene and no aversion to the sun. (Side note – He’s actually making me rethink my Team Edward stance.)
I hope you take these suggestions to heart. I don’t mean to pick – but you make it soooo easy…
Young Hollywood has very slim prospects. While I think you both have potential, Bella and Edward’s time is almost up. What then, Mr. Pattinson and Miss Stewart? Without Edward and Bella you might lose your ‘indie’ cred or ‘slacker coolness’.
Will you be ‘fine’ being ’That awkward British guy who played Edward’ or that ‘Condescending chick who was Bella Swan’? All protestations aside, I don’t think so. I think you want to be stars, right?
So take a cue from Mr. Lautner. He’s on the path to staying Taylor Lautner – like Harrison Ford and Matt Damon. They play parts, but we still remember their real names. And that is the testament of a real actor.
Good luck!