I sent this to my husband when we were in the midst of our move. He thought it was hilarious and worth sharing – so here you go:
I got myself all put together this morning to drop the stuff by the Realtors office – ie – no paint smudged clothes, but wearing full makeup and all undergarments required in polite society. As they don’t open right away and I don’t have an envelope to use their drop slot, I go to Panera and get a coffee. As I’m sliding across the front seat to get to the drivers side (my driver’s door will not open from the outside) I nudge the cup holder, leaving an undetermined brown streak on the knee of my nice khaki capris.
Poo… But okay – no harm, going on.
To Target to pick up a big envelope to put the stuff in so I can drop it thereby ensuring I don’t have to venture out again (the whole writing, packing, mothering, life thing is looming and I don’t want to ‘waste time’ waiting). As I’m sliding into the car, I hit the coffee in the drink holder. It spills ALL over my ankle and pants leg – like dripping wet… Biting back tears (and muttering some rather colorful explectives) I use every napkin in the car to get as much sopped up as possible. Alas, my pants are now dingy and stained, in addition to the unidentified brown smudge.
Feeling somewhat deflated, I put the very important papers (no worries – they stay dry and pristine through it all) in the envelope and decide to just stick it all in the slot on the front door and head home.
As I’m pulling into the parking lot, I roll down the window to revel in the fresh air. I decide to leave the window down and enter through the drivers door (you can open it from the inside, not the outside) versus climbing across and encountering any further knee bumping dangers. Besides, it’s beautiful out today.
I park, get ready to open the door and a bird (some gigantic-ish winged creature) poops on the other knee of my pants.
No, I’m not kidding. My pants (the pants I am wearing!) appear to have suffered through some traumatic ordeal or hazardous fluid leak. And – from the looks of them – they may not survive.
But I can’t not do what I’m here to do. The whole reason I ventured out looking civilized (a look I can no longer claim) was to get these important papers here. So I open the car door, run up to the drop slot to shove the envelope inside undetected.
But a Woman (the receptionist?) OPENS the door to help me. She gets a very strange look on her face (I can’t imagine why?)… I blurt out that my coffee exploded, hand her the envelope while telling her it’s for my agent and retreat quickly - with said bird sludge, coffee, and brown streak all visible.
I can only imagine what she thought.
When I get home, I see I the key for the agent on the table… The key that should have been included in the envelope that I’d just delivered… The key that has to be in their office Today…
It’s Monday all right. Hope yours is less eventful.